Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Ladies, Do You Have A Good Girlfriend?

I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends yesterday. Our talk time came in at just about 35 minutes. It was brief but boy did it pack quite a punch! Impactful! Yeah, that’s what it was. Impactful…  As we hung up, I thought to myself, “This is one of those things that we as women don’t do often enough.” We don’t have impactful and sharpening conversations with other women. They don’t have to be long. They simply need to be impactful, and transparency is what creates the impact.

Why do so many women feel they cannot have a good, healthy friendship with another woman? A strong friendship. A nurturing friendship. A sisterhood. Ok, I’ll admit, growing up with three sisters maybe gave me a bit of an edge in this department. Maybe. 😉 That’s why I feel compelled to use my edge to help others see how very important this is. Note, I didn’t say easy, just important.

Hear me out a minute.

Who better understands the issues faced by a woman than another woman? No one! So, by sheer design, to think that you can only have a good friendship with men can’t help but be a faulty theory. Even though it may appear to be reality in your world, trust me there’s probably more to the story than you’re telling or even more to the story than you realize.

Dig deeper. If that’s your story, I dare you to dig deeper. If you dig deep in your past there’s likely a reason why you don’t trust women or are challenged to try to get along with them.

Let’s face it. It can’t be that every woman in the world is out to get you or that every woman in the world doesn’t like you. You’re special, but seriously? If you can’t get along with any other woman, the common denominator in every scenario is you. So maybe we need to search ourselves and figure out why we can’t have good, impactful, iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17) conversations and friendships with women.

I just love it when I have a conversation (phone or in person) with one of my girlfriends and I walk away inspired, encouraged, and just feeling like “OK! It’s not just me dealing with this. Someone else is going through this same thing. Someone else is fighting this same crazy battle.” It takes transparency to get there, though. Women have to be more willing to expose themselves (for lack of a better phrase) so that we all have a shot at wholeness, confidence and liberty. Dare we begin to believe we can talk it out, work it out and get through some things together.

Together. That’s what iron sharpening iron is all about.

I had to write about this because it’s one of those things that really, really gets to me. It’s one of those areas where I feel we as sister girls are doing ourselves a dis-service. For us single ladies (yes, I’m spoken for and 39 days away from being a married woman, but TODAY I’m still unmarried), we often dream of and pray for a wonderful mate to come our way. If we can’t even maintain a normal, healthy friendship with a woman (who is LIKE us) how on earth do we think it will be seamless to understand a man (who is SO NOT like us)? Now that’s a rant for another day.

I am blessed to have 3 sisters I can talk to and on top of that have at least 3 solid relationships with other women I know I can call on and know I can trust. They’ll tell me when I’m right, and more importantly, they’ll tell me when I’m FLAT WRONG! They’re not just talking to me to to tell me things that make me feel good. They actually care. And these are reciprocal relationships. They are not one-sided.

There will be times when you may call one of those good girlfriends and they may not come through in the way that you needed them to in that moment. Cut them some slack. They won’t be all-powerful or all-knowing, because they aren’t God. Extend grace and keep moving. Know the heart of a person (women AND men, alike). If you know that their heart is not malicious then you will understand what comes out of them at that imperfect moment is just that, an imperfection. It’s not malicious. It’s not to hurt you. It’s just an imperfection. And we all have ‘em.

Come on sisters. There has to be a reason why we won’t let each other close. Yes! You must be discerning about any relationship. Trust me; I learned that the hard way. You have to be discerning about who you allow into your world and let get close to you because everyone is not going to be a good steward over the things of you. Being discerning about relationships is key. That’s called exercising wisdom. Other than that, take a chance. Seek out, search for, and pray for good friendships with women you can trust. I promise you it will change your life.

I’m rambling here. I know I’ve touched on a lot of points, but it was just something on my mind today that I had to get out. What are your thoughts on the subject? I’d love to hear from you.

39 days and counting…

Until next time…