Monday, January 30, 2012

I’ve Been Quiet Lately

“The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the innermost parts of his being.” – Proverbs 20:27

I’ve been quite lately. I’ve been quietly working on me.

So many people are afraid to work on themselves, and I think I’ve come to understand why. You see it takes very little to say you’re working on yourself. It takes quite a bit more courage to actually do so. Doing so means 1st admitting there’s something to work on – something unglued, out of place or undone about you. No one wants to be a wretch undone, including me. To the contrary we spend most of our lives masquerading as the one who’s “all together”. But I am that wretch undone. So, I’ve been working on me.

As I countdown to my 40th birthday (62 days before the big day, in case you’re wondering), I feel myself shifting. Does it happen to everyone around this age or what? I don’t know if it’s automatic or not, but I feel it. I’m starting to focus on what I want the rest of my life to look like, and that means giving an eye to what my life has looked like thus far. I’m considering my lessons, my writing, my priorities, my strengths, my weaknesses, etc. Although all of this introspection is challenging and can even be somewhat painful at times it also feels good.

It’s kind of like working out. Sometimes those 3 miles on an elliptical seem to pass like 3 years. The process is painful and severely lacking in the fun category. Yet, for some reason, each time I walk out of the gym I feel revived. I feel a sense of accomplishment that is absolutely priceless and that no one can take away from me. Because I am putting in the work, not only will I reap the benefit of a healthier, whole, FREE me, but so will those around me – my family, my friends, and even the people I don’t see. Somewhere there’s someone watching me, looking for one brave soul who is crazy enough to intentionally enter the no man’s land of self-exploration, to allow the lamp of the Lord to search the innermost parts of her being and expose all that is unlike Him and inherited from elsewhere. He already knows how you came to be in the chains you are in. His desire is that you will seek the key to unlock those chains.

So yes, I’ve been quiet. Realizing that I could write anything, but I want to write something that someone can relate to and receive from. I hope this was one of those somethings.

Completely me,