Thursday, April 28, 2011

Waiting for a Storm

Waiting is woven tightly into the fabric of our human existence.  We spend a great portion of our lives waiting for people, things, or events.

We wait to be teens so we can drive and date.

We wait to go off to college so we can be free from our parents’ rules.

We can’t wait to get a job so we can live on our own and play by our own rules (or so we think).

We wait to marry so we can have children.  Then, often, we must wait longer still to conceive a child.

I’ve heard that once you have children, you then can’t wait for them to grow up and move out on their own.  I know that’s what my mom always said!  But, of course, you still have to wait for that glorious day to arrive.

From there, we begin waiting for our grown children to now repeat all of the waiting we’ve already done.

The other night, I waited for a storm.  Throughout the day, as I worked from home, I didn’t want to leave my place, because a storm was coming.  I watched with jealousy as the tree outside my window swirled and swayed in the wind.  Its leaves gently tapped the panes, inviting me to come out and dance in the wind, too.  But I said no.  I was waiting for a storm.  As evening fell, I was anchored to the center of my bed, my eyes and ears glued to the continuous news coverage of the ominous threat, and I waited.  Though the sweet peace of slumber beckoned me, I didn’t want to go to bed, because I was waiting for a storm.  I spent an entire day consumed with waiting for a disturbance.

The storm never came, at least not to my small spot on the map.

My storm watch blew open a window exposing a potentially crippling fear lurking in the deep places of my soul.  You see, I’ve lived through my fair share of relational tornadoes that ravaged my heart and left behind a path of destruction.  Because of my history, when it comes to close encounters with the male kind, it seems I always find myself somewhere, hovering behind makeshift walls of protection, waiting for a storm.

I realized that while focusing so much of my energy waiting for a storm, I am missing the sweet calm and peace of the present moments in a present and promising relationship.  So what I’ve decided is simple.  I’ve decided to go to sleep and trust the Lord has given His angels charge over me.  I’ve decided to go outside and dance in the pre-storm winds.  Just like the storm from a few days ago never reached me, I’ve decided that not every disturbance will have my name on it.

I’ve decided to stop waiting for a storm and enjoy the blessings of the life in front of me.