Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Reflecting on the Day I said “I do”

I just finished watching a slideshow of pictures from my wedding day. It was a beautiful day! We couldn’t have planned it better. The weather was sunny and cool, not cloudy, cold or frigid. The high reached the low 60s. We had a brunch time ceremony, with a start time of 11:30 am, and YES we started on time. I can’t stand waiting, and I certainly didn’t want people waiting on me. Starting on time was a non-negotiable. Confirmation that it would indeed be a lovely day came when my groom was pulling up outside as I was walking into the church. Yes ma’ams (and sirs, because I know some of you are sneaking a peak at this blog, too :-)), we didn’t come to play. We had some business to tend to.

I didn’t sleep well the night before. In the wee hours of the morning I woke up in a panic. Like a dog chasing her tail, I tossed myself around on my hands and knees in the middle of my hotel bed looking for my cell phone. It was 3ish in the a.m. Whew! I could have sworn I saw the sun laughing at me through those blackout curtains signaling a missed 6a.m. hair appointment, but alas it wasn’t so. Needless to say, trying to get any sleep from that point was a useless endeavor.

Watching the slideshow brought some less joyful, untapped emotions of my wedding day storming to the surface. I guess they’ve had enough and refused to lie dormant any longer. I did cried that morning, a little, but I knew there were more tears where those came from. There wasn’t one nervous bone in my body as I walked that 100 foot aisle to the altar. I knew I was at the right place at the right time, and we were surrounded by our closest friends and family on both sides. Sadness stirred as one by one I saw the faces of my father’s friends. Somehow each of them seemed to be perched right along the aisle. Tears began to breach the borders of my eyelids, but I held it together for the most part.

So I knew this wasn’t the end of the story. In my hotel room that morning, I prayed. I told the Lord, “I still don’t get it, but I’ll go on.” I was talking about the fact my father wasn’t there. One of his very best friends gave me away. It was a beautiful thing, and I know my father was happy I chose him. There was no better choice, but a substitution no matter how appropriate is still a substitution.

Today, it finally hit me. I am the 3rd of 4 girls. Daddy was present for the marriage of each of my 3 sisters. For many years I prayed he’d be present for me, as well. Maybe subconsciously I knew he wouldn’t be. I don’t know. Although sometimes I don’t understand God’s timing, will and ways, I will go on. I must go on.

Looking at that slideshow reminded me just how beautiful our wedding day truly was. Sean and I have chatted quite a bit about our inability to take credit for the abundant blessings that worked together to create such a beautiful occasion, not to mention the work of the Lord that brought us together. We are humbled and thankful. If the Lord wills, there’s a whole lot of life left ahead of us, and I know daddy would want me to soak it all up. That’s exactly what I plan on doing.

“You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on.”

Daddy, this song is for you.